Alaskan’s do things differently. All winter long, I’ve been warned about “breakup”. What?! Like cabin fever takes its toll on relationships and that’s it, breaking-up is the only option??

Silly me, I should’ve known it was the transition of seasons… when things finally begin to thaw, leaving every earthy surface saturated, soft and soggy.

It is NOT pretty. And not for the OCD type….

It’s warm enough to start melting during the day, then refreezes overnight. The roads are clear and then it snows another 4 inches. Layers of dirty road grim sand, ice, snow berms and banks. Lawns and landscapes are brown, sprinkled with plow blasted sand and gravel.

I’ve been learning to become more aware of my emotions lately and comparing them with nature…

All I want is summer and sunshine. I want it now. But of course, most glorious things we want, don’t come easy, without challenge, change and transition.

I’m witnessing nature’s transition now. Slow, gradual changes each day add up.

She is patient.

She has full belief that summer will come, just like the sun will rise again tomorrow. It’s small, daily, efforts that compound over weeks, months and all of sudden we’re in the beautiful summer Alaskans wait 9 months for.

It’s messy, it’s gross, it’s frustrating, she is one hot mess right now. But all the while setting a powerful example of pure conviction and authority. She knows where she’s going, she knows what to do today and the next day to keep her on track, in sync with the cycle.

Most importantly, she doesn’t give two-shits about what anyone thinks of her and this process.

Slow down, trust the process, let go of the end result for it is already done.

I did it!

I walked through the door this week! I was even 10 min late and I HATE being late, walking in and having everyone turn at look you…omg embarrassing!!

I could’ve used being late as an excuse but it actually worked in my favor. Being late didn’t give me a chance to think then overthink and decide to let fear win, and that stress snacks were a much safer idea.

I had set up an accountability parter earlier that day, which also helped. I texted my sister and told her my meeting was that night.

I value self integrity and try hard to do what I say I’m gonna do. So, to report back to my sister saying I skipped my meeting, again, would really have made me feel like a shit head.

With that, this blog is another way to help hold me accountable.

I’m beginning to find some clarity and direction and believe this blog will soon align with my chaos 🤪

Per the usual, still a work in progress on the inner, the outter and alllll the in between.

Fun idea for your next social obligation:

Bring a comfort item! Treat yourself to coffee or tea. Sip if you’re feeling nervous or uncomfortable.

If you want an extra challenge, learn 2 people’s names and an interesting fact about them. Report back to your accountability partner!

These tips were provided by my smarty pants sister and worked for me this week 🥰

Today’s menu was a bottomless buffet of emotional, financial, and physical self sabotage.

I sent the mayday text to my friend Joy, “loosing my marbles…the platter is tipping and they’re starting to roll…!”

Her instant reply, “let them roll, then pick up the ones you still want.”

Roll off, bitches! All of you!

I’m in control and will choose those of which I deem worthy of my energy and time.

As I rebalance the platter this evening after some marble puns and a giphy, I’m contemplating the ones to keep…

The shooter, obviously, quick spit and shine, ready to aim.

The “mibs” I’m gonna stick with 3, instead of the traditional 13, for clarity and focus purposes. And they’re scattered, no where close to being in a row.

BUT! Maybe it’s not the marbles. They could be insignificant. Perhaps it’s the playing field that needs to change…

Interesting fact! The National Marbles Tournament is an 4 day event that kids have been playing since 1922 winning college scholarships.

Knuckle down!

I’m still afraid to walk thru new doors. Not metaphorical doors. I’m talking real, physical doors, with door bells and secured magnetic locks. The intimidating kind of doors.

The doors I did find the courage to walk thru has only led to some of the best opportunities and most fulfilling memories.

So why do I still find so much resistance to walk thru, am I comfortable with my current circumstances? Am I fearful?

“There are too many cars in the parking lot, I can’t go in. There’s no where to park anyway…”

That’s what happened tonight. I rattled off these excuses from fear. Now I’m sitting across the street, in the grocery store parking lot, eating a bakery creme brûlée regretting both of these decisions; skipping my meeting and this dessert choice.

I’m skipping my first volunteer fire dept training because there were too many cars in the parking lot, unfamiliar station, new people, new skills, etc. I’m ridiculous.

This isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last 🙄 In the instances I took the first step through those doors has been my most rewarding experiences, relationships and self fulfilling. Every other time, returning to each training got easier and it became priority.

Why is it the first time? Stepping through, into he unknown, uncertainty, out of comfort zones.

What if I never questioned or let fear get to me, how many other doors would I discover great things behind?!

My current belief: New doors are scary for the first time, especially big, thick, metal, heavy, metal ones that require you to ring a bell and be “escorted”…it’s intimidating!

The truth: The firefighter who answers the door is smiling and inviting! As with the rest of the people in the room. They all jump up to introduce themselves and welcome me.

My new belief: Opening a new door is exciting and rewarding, exposing a burst of infinite opportunities and experiences. I have the key and courage to choose any door I want and to create the life of fulfillment I deserve! Effff yasss!

I’ll for sure go to my next fire dept training, and every other opportunity I feel even the slightest resistance toward.

I lean into resistance with courage, confidence and certainty.

Giggling! Yes, I caught myself giggling, at myself. I haven’t felt such pure, innocent joy in such a long time. It was relieving and fulfilling. The dog probably thought I was crazy and wondering what the hell I was doing, slipping and sliding down the snow covered trail that switched backed down the mountain. Luckily, he was enjoying my nonsense, bounding through the untouched snow along side me, until I ate it! And hard.

Full on face plant, accompanied by a body log roll until I finally came to a stop. The giggling was interrupted with a mild shout, “shit!” then a “fuck me!” Catching my breath, I performed a quick damage check. After deciding I had escaped the incident unharmed, I humbly participated in a full on LOL, ROF (rolling on (the) floor, remember that one??) literally.

My laugh echoed through the spruce trees. Carried its way up and towards the pockets of sky. Bears that were peacefully hibernating anywhere with in a 100 mile radius were no longer slumbering. Mamma Moose and her baby were long gone. Avalanches from neighboring canyons were activated. The dog leaped on top of me, confused but thrilled with my playful behavior.

The real importance of this event is discovered later.

My takeaways:
*I will still walk to the end of the earth in my Uggs on any trail condition.
Darn Tough + Uggs + toe warmers = adventure ready
*Having BOTH ice cleats, may have helped.
*Should have worn the snowshoes, but this was my curiosity’s doing “I’ll just check the trail conditions…oh, it’s only a mile to the tram…it’s not worth the trek back for the snowshoes, lets just see how this goes…”
*Stay curious : )

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.